notes from
the MUCK . . .

How does your garden grow? With muck, muck and more muck! I spent much of today finishing the final muck box and then shifting muck from one box to the next. The first box, which the Big Lad is enthusiastically pointing out, has been rotting down for two years now and once we’d removed the top quarter of unrotted material, we found we’d hit the pay dirt.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Master of None

For all of you out there keeping up with my poker activities, I have some unfortunate news. I've decided, for the second time now, to retire from online play. I just keep losing, and unless I can figure out why, there's no reason to continue throwing my money away. If one were inclined to look on the bright side of matters, one could point out that my results were, overall, much better than they were the only other time I attempted this (I lost ALL my money then...quickly). And, I suppose, you could also say that I've learned a lot about the nature of the whole enterprise, even if I still suck.

After losing so incessantly last week in the sit and go's, I had more fortunate results in a live game, and saw mild improvement online this week. However, even though I've gained back some of my losses from those previous sessions, the rate at which things are going is just a little too slow for my patience. I'm in a slump, and whether it's the cards or me, or both, I no longer care. The bottom line is that I'm not making money, and I can think of far better things to be doing with my time and resources.

I've already cashed out my remaining bankroll from Empirepoker. If...ok, WHEN I attempt this again, I don't think I'll be playing there. The main reason is that I favor the sit and go tournaments over trying to grind it out in the cash games (after attempting them again today I've concluded that, yes, they are interminably boring online). However, I don't like the structure of Empirepoker's s&g's. Specifically, they start you with very few chips in relation to the blinds. This is not meant as an excuse, it's just a detail I find frustrating. Matt had mentioned that before, but it sank in when I played in a $50 sit and go, where they do give you more starting chips, and found it much more comfortable. I made it to the money in that game, and that was the last thing I played (an attempt to end, at least somewhat, on a good note). Empirepoker is also just generally kinda lame. If anyone knows of a better site, let me know in time for the next great losing adventure. Just post it in a comment below, you non-existent reader you.

Another positive aspect of this is that I will be forced to play more live games if I want to get my poker fix. I enjoy those more, and seem to do a lot better with them. In any event, I think I'm finally ready to accept the ugly reality that has forced itself upon my daydreams - poker will never be a significant means of income for me. It's a little embarassing to admit this now, but I sincerely hoped it would be. Not any time soon, maybe, but in the future. I wanted to work up to it, slowly but surely. It's the second part of that plan that's giving me trouble. They are a lucky few who can make a living playing this twisted game of skill and chance, and I cannot count myself among them. Good luck to you all.

For me, it's now clear that poker is just another hobby I'm mediocre at. Fine. I'll throw my poker books in the same box as my watercolors, my sketchpads, my 35mm camera, my chess set, my 2nd place Tae Kwon Do trophies, my cookbooks, and my creative writing journal. I'll throw them in there, but I won't quit playing. You wanna know why?

Because, damnit, I'm good at being mediocre.

Such is life in The Muck.