notes from
the MUCK . . .

How does your garden grow? With muck, muck and more muck! I spent much of today finishing the final muck box and then shifting muck from one box to the next. The first box, which the Big Lad is enthusiastically pointing out, has been rotting down for two years now and once we’d removed the top quarter of unrotted material, we found we’d hit the pay dirt.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Scenes from the Muck

We all like movies. Some scare the bejesus out of us. Some inspire us. Some make us cry. I'm not really interested in those movies. What I'm interested in here is movies that piss you off because they fucked up what could've been a good, if not great way to spend 2 hours. The movie that had you at hello but lost you at the part where they woke up and it was all a fucking dream. The movie that scared you to the bone before boring you to the core. Then, with all my screen writing and movie making prowess I'll endeavour to show what should have been done to make it a watchable/good/great movie. Then you'll do better in comments.

First up, Star Wars III, Revenge of the Sith. I thought Phantom Menace was pretty shite. I didn't even bother watching Attack of the Clones till Revenge was coming out and I thought I'd better watch it to catch up. I did so with Matthew and Jeff and my outlook for Revenge was pretty bleak. I was just hoping Boba Fett was in it a lot, and I always like the chance to eat popcorn.

Fast forward a few days and I'm standing outside the cinema with Matt and Jeff having just seen the movie (Jenny has already fled the scene). Matt commented that he was pissed off with various elements of the movie because this one, unlike it's two predecessors, it had actually given itself a chance of being decent, and in raising the bar, it had also invited more biting critiscim.

Let's set the record straight. First up, remove scenes in which Annakin and Padme have dialogue together and replace them with this still:


My major bone of contention is with two scenes that sum up the warring internal factions of greatness* against laughable melodrama that do battle throughout this movie. I'm talking about the bit when Anakin gets the Darth Vader mask put on and he starts doing the whole heavy breathing, and then the scene where Darth is told that Padme is dead, throws up his new robot hands to the heavens and crys "Noooooooo!"**

My suggestion? Combine the two scenes, keep the masking scene the way it is, Anakin's face is a bubbling, shrivelled and burnt mess, he is spluttering to speak. An attendant leans down to him, more bubbles and gargled utterings, through which the word "Padme" is heard. The attendant closes his eyes solemnly and leans close into Anakin and whispers into his ear (unheard by audience). Anakins face, already a seething volcanic mess, erupts, mournful, primal howls and snarls fill the room, fluid leaks from every opening.

Slowly, the mask is lowered.

The sounds become more desperate, more strangled; nervous glances are exchanged by the attendants as the mask continues to be lowered. The mask is so low now it casts Anakin's face in darkness. Spit, mucus and blood flies up onto it's underside and drips back down onto the face. This image fills the screen for a good few seconds. As the mask is lowered, the cries become muffled and are eventually muted as the transformation is complete. Loud, metallic sounds fill the room as the mask is locked in place, and, after a silent beat, the heavy breathing begins.

In my mind this would go a long way to making this a much better movie. Eradicating the stupid "Nooo" scene, and, I feel, enhancing the mask scene. I am sure people disagree so please let me know in comments. Next up, I'll show you what needs to happen to Million Dollar Baby in order for it to be a real contender.


You better run Jar Jar, this aint your world anymore.

*Greatness is a strong word in this context, but it does strive towards it, even if it doesn't always get there.


** I don't actually know whether he says noooo!. I can't remember but you know what I'm talking about.