notes from
the MUCK . . .

How does your garden grow? With muck, muck and more muck! I spent much of today finishing the final muck box and then shifting muck from one box to the next. The first box, which the Big Lad is enthusiastically pointing out, has been rotting down for two years now and once we’d removed the top quarter of unrotted material, we found we’d hit the pay dirt.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Could Do Better

I don't do new year's resolutions; I don't like the idea of changing just because it's a certain time of the year. Certain incidents over the past few months have given me some cause for some concern however and maybe this may be a good opportunity to take stock and change a few things:


I like to play my brother at Pro Evolution Soccer 6. It's an amazing game and usually justice prevails with me winning quite comfortably. Sometimes however, little glitches in the game mean that I am unfairly dislodged from my PES throne and this gets to me somewhat. I will argue with referee decisions, my own player's abilities, and my brother's dirty tactics. During one particularly glitched up game I made my feelings known. An awkward silence followed which was broken by my brother commenting that "You're so angry you're shaking".

Sadly, he was not wrong.


We all find it hard to be productive at times, particularly during periods when much is required of us. I have been completing law school applications over the past few weeks; deadlines are fast approaching and swift, decisive action was required this weekend to make up for previous weekend's wastefulness.

I got up before 11. Sweet. I had a run. Even better. During said run I thought about what I needed to do in order to get my applications done; I also thought about shaving my beard off. I went to bed that night without progressing with the applications but still felt as if I had got something done as I was minus a beard.


Dashed to the shops last night, whilst wandering down the aisles I had a distinct memory that somewhere between parking and perusing the smoothies I had sung the chorus of Neil Young's "Old Man" in a whiny falsetto. I still do not know if I was singing in the car, in the forecourt of a busy garage, or in the shops. I still don't know why I would be singing that song.


I currently work with young people between the ages of 11 and 16 who are for one reason or another extremely vulnerable. Their chaotic lives are going through the most emotionally precarious passage they could hope to navigate it and they don't know that it will end. Their experiences and age mean that the feelings of anyone other than themselves is taking into consideration as many times as they truly feel good about themselves; very rarely.

This past week I saw just two kids; both of them asked me in a meaningful way "And how are you doing Ben? Are you alright?"

"Fine" I answered, "just fine, thanks for asking", silently patting myself on the back for helping these young people become so conscientious. Now though, I'm not so sure...

We're ok.

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