notes from
the MUCK . . .

How does your garden grow? With muck, muck and more muck! I spent much of today finishing the final muck box and then shifting muck from one box to the next. The first box, which the Big Lad is enthusiastically pointing out, has been rotting down for two years now and once we’d removed the top quarter of unrotted material, we found we’d hit the pay dirt.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Sorry, Jeff

I've added Why Lost Sucks to the blogroll. I hesitated to do this; the last time we discussed Lost in the Muck, the blog nearly imploded. But I figure that at this point implosion is better than the slow painful slide into irrelevancy that Notes From the Muck has been undergoing (No posts in a week?! Has that ever happened before?) -- so why not?

I haven't actually seen any of the episodes since Lost came back on the air. I did record them, but I have very little desire at this point to watch them. I am, however, quite enjoying reading about the new episodes on all of the Lost sucks blogs that are popping up all over the place. So that's going to be my new thing: I won't watch the show, but I will bitch about it and enjoy watching everybody else kick themselves for continuing to watch a show that obviously will never pay off the way we all wanted it to. I am now no longer just a disenchanted fan. I hereby declare myself an enemy of Lost. I will root for its failure and I will be validated when it dies away due to continued ratings decline. If it does improve and recover, I will be sorely disappointed because that will serve only to reward bad faith and bad behavior on the part of Lost's creators.

Why have I finally turned completely against the show? A few reasons:

(1) I saw that promotions for last week's episode promised to answer three big mysteries. Now I read that one of those mysteries turns out to be the origin and meaning of Jack's tattoo. Really? Seriously? Has anyone, anywhere ever wondered about Jack's tattoo?!?

(2) The numbers. This one really gets my goat. Those damn numbers were everywhere. They lured that French chick's boat to the island and were in her notes. They won Hurley the lottery and turned his life upside down. They were on the hatch and had to be constantly entered into the computer to prevent some sort of apocalypse. Surely the numbers had some meaning, right? Surely there was some explanation for the power and ubiquity of these numbers. Damon Lindelof, please tell me you haven't just been yanking my chain for two years with these motherfucking numbers.

No such luck:
As for the bad luck numbers, the answer is NO answer - Damon saying "I think that that question will never, ever be answered. I couldn't possibly imagine [how we would answer that question]. We will see more ramifications of the numbers and more usage of the numbers, but it boggles my mind when people ask me, "What do the numbers mean?"".
Now, that quote from Lindelof is over a year old, but I recently saw it for the first time while cruising the anti-Lost blogosphere. And I have to say: Are you kidding me? The creative force behing Lost can't "possibly imagine" what the numbers mean? Well, fuck me. Fuck me right up the ass. I've been played.

(3) Here's a list of 50 Lost loose ends. I hate to break it to everyone, but most of them will never be resolved. [Nelson Muntz] Ha-ha! [/Nelson Muntz]

This show once felt like a great show. I wanted to believe that the numbers meant something. They don't. I wanted to believe that Walt had some kind of magic powers, like being able to summon a polar bear by reading Hurley's comic book. Guess not; turns out the polar bears were there all along, living in the Others' cages (or so I gather). (By the way, are Walt and Michael just gone? It's sure starting to look that way.) I wanted Aaron to be pure evil, or at least be torn between good and evil in some tragic way. Now, the Others seem not to give a shit about Aaron even though they used to seem really intent on taking him from Claire, for some unexplained reason. I wanted to know why Libby was in so many back stories. She was in the mental ward with Hurley? She knew Desmond? And she lied to everyone on the island? WTF? But then the actress playing her got arrested and, whaddya know? Michael capped her right afterward. Oh well, I guess that wasn't important. But hey! Here's an idea: let's have yet another episode about whether Kate loves Sawyer or Jack. As if anything could possibly be less interesting.

In sum: Fuck Lost. But on the other hand, let's enjoy the fact that it's going out in a blaze of ignominy. Having inspired such a passionate fan base in the beginning, the disintegration of Lost is going to make for some mighty tasty haterade. Pour it on.

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Something Wrong. Again.

Well, I wasn't going to post this, but I really do need to move the pickle down the page.

This, is not right. Period.

Jumped up Red Bull was not what inspired Hendrix to chop a mountain down with the side of his hand.

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Something Wrong

Kids been a pain in the arse? Vacation coming up? Time to sit little Timmy down and tell him he hasn't deserved the trip to Disney World, he'll be going here instead.

Ricky now knew never to jump the line at the Pirates of the Carribean ride.

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Something New

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Saturday, February 17, 2007

Who got the Force? I got the Force

Strapped for cash, I recently decided to sell off my old Star Wars collection, which has been yellowing in my attic for years. Some friends of a friend contacted me about making a purchase and I found myself finally ready to part with it all. Yes, there was a time when the sentimental value was too high, but as I've gotten older, and broker, memories and photographs will fill that void just fine.

Taking it down I was pleased to find most of it in decent condition, and dreamed of depositing four figures into my bank account immediately following the buyers' departure. Unfortunately, they were only interested in a handful of items. I only made $300.

I did take some pictures before boxing it all back up. The Death Star and Star Destroyer playsets I sold aren't pictured, nor is the factory sealed Rebel Transport or the Star Wars record tote. Still, you get the idea.

This stuff used to occupy a giant bookshelf and adjoining table in the corner of my room, most of it purchased in the 8th and 9th grades. I remember Matt Lakins and I had quite a row over that Slave Ship I (back center, beside the Rancor) - I outbid him and scooped it before he even knew what had hit him.

It would be years before either of us had physical contact with a female.

Recognize this fellow? One of my favorite items. This was the figure for Anakin's ghost, which appears at the end of the original version of Return of the Jedi. For the DVD release, Lucas replaced this actor with the image of Hayden Christensen for the sake of continuity.

AT-ST walker bitches.

This isn't vintage, but I'm fond of it. Most likely it once served as the container for a chili-cheese burrito and taco supreme.

Drinking glasses.

Pretty cool, huh? Anyone looking to dive into the fascinating and exciting world of toy collecting, contact me and we'll set up a meeting at my parents house. Gotta go catch up on some Veronica Mars now!

Heh heh...heh...



Shoot me now.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Just One More Thing

I'm leaving town for a while, going to Scotland to stalk the Loch Ness Monster and deep fried Mars Bars. I wanted to leave you with something short, witty, meaningful or at least comprehensible, but I was pulled back into the bed of Mistress YouTube.

I believe that this deserves a sound track; what do you suggest?

I'll go first, an obvious one; "Nobody Does it Better".

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Thursday, February 15, 2007

7 of 8, Bitches!

Sunni or Shiite? Can you do better? Seems like I should be in charge of homeland security or at least a Senator or something.

Actually, I thought this test would tell me if I should be Sunni or Shiite, which I was looking forward to finding out. But no, it's just a pop quiz.

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Fucking Scalias

According to the Chicago Sun-Times, U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia's daughter was arrested for driving under the influence of alchohol on Monday. Which, while a fairly douchebaggy thing to do in and of itself, is understandable. It's obviously wrong, but DUIs happen all the time. However, driving drunk with three children in your car? It takes a Scalia-caliber asshole to do that.
The daughter of a U.S. Supreme Court justice is facing drunken driving and child endangerment charges after Wheaton police stopped her as she drove a van with three children.

Ann S. Banaszewski, 45, was arrested about 7:25 p.m. Monday when police curbed her van after receiving a call about a suspected drunken driver at a McDonald's, Wheaton Deputy Police Chief Thomas Meloni said.

Banaszewski was pulled over after officers saw her drive away from the fast-food restaurant, Meloni said. Three of her children -- all under age 17 -- were with her, he said.


Update: In other drunk driving news, a drunken Mexican hombre and his ladyfriend tried to kill my sister. No word on whether children were involved.

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

George Washington: Bad Ass

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

It's Only 1 Hour...

A while ago I was dragged into a torrid journey where I risked my life to find some snooty teenager's baby brother; who she asked to be taken by the goblin people may I add. I still don't know why I did it, I was very attracted to her I suppose, but due to my stunted height and hideously warty face I knew that nothing would ever happen. Mostly I felt I'd made a lot of mistakes in my life and I really needed to get out of a rut.

Seriously though, any rut would've been better than being stuck in that oubliette.

Well anywho, I got a little carried away; the nightmare, when it ended, was portrayed by a lot of people as an adventure and for some reason I was sad when we all went our separate ways. I lost contact with that annoying fox, he did manage to kick the coke though. The big fat one, well last I heard he was a rug in David Bowie's castle, he'd also spent a lot of time investing in real estate near the Bog of Eternal Stench.

If I never saw any of them again I'd be ok with that, but the girl, again, I don't try to hide it, I liked her, wanted her to like me, and when we all went our separate ways I left the door of opportunity open and said that should she ever need us then she need only call. She did kiss me that one time; why did I pretend I hated it; just scared of being loved I guess.

Well, I stood by that, and have made myself availble 24/7 . However, things have changed a little bit; you see, should you need me on a Tuesday, between 10-11pm GMT; please see the fox or Bowie; because my real true love is in town.

Should you need me, just whistle on down the wind...

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Monday, February 12, 2007


Remember I asked you to send in your suggestions as to what you thought the person had done that they felt compelled to justify themselves with the air tight argument that it was something different and had never been tried before?

Well, the comments rolled in, and while some were closer than others, I have to decide on a winner. Katy, Jeff, I really liked your answers, both different, both with merit, both striking a chord, and I really wish you could both win, but I'll do the next best thing by ensuring that you both end up as runner up to Jenny, who clearly gave the most.

Anywho, the answer....

Here it is!!

Yep, some fool had a full english breakfast etched permanently on his bonce. Different indeed, but I would also proffer that no-one has tried to staple themselves to a cow. Maybe he'll turn out to be like this guy.

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Sunday, February 11, 2007

Warm and Fuzzy, Prince of Puke Style

I was a huge John Waters fan growing up. I loved the movies, I loved the man. Now, I pretty much just love the man. And it's things like this that remind me why.

Sometimes the question comes up - if you could have dinner with anyone in the world, who would it be? Mr.Waters would definitely be in the running for me. Click on the link above to get a sampling of his delightful music tastes.

Yeah, I said 'delightful.'

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Saturday, February 10, 2007

Dead Dreams

Here's a list of things I have, at one point or another, wanted to be in life but have since given up on (with the exception of one or two - any guesses as to which?):

I think I've posted something like this before...

1) werewolf
2) vampire/immortal
3) freddy krueger
4) ninja
5) billy the kid
6) hip hop producer/mc/turntablist
7) writer losing his grip on reality
8) famous filmmaker
9) ladies' man
10) hunter s. thompson
11) skateboarder
12) shy high school student by day, pirate radio shock jock by night
13) friends with quentin tarantino
14) heroin addict
15) part of some sort of influential art scene/community
16) brilliant singer/songwriter
17) alcoholic poet
18) phillip marlowe
19) bank robber
20) con artist
21) kristen bell's boyfriend
22) pharmacist
23) chow yun fat
24) wine snob
25) the greatest poker player who ever lived

Friday, February 09, 2007

Pop Quiz

"My friends and family keep asking me why I'm doing this. For me it's just something different which has never been done before."

It's different ok, but does that make it worth it? Answers on a post card as to what this buffoon is trying to justify. Prizes go to closest and/or most imaginative guesses.

Answer soon.

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Keep The Change

"Who in their right mind would send 363 tonnes of cash into a war zone?"

You guessed it.

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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

That's Hip Hop

Saturday, February 03, 2007

V-Day Giveth-a-thon

So Niki has taken the initiative on reprising our Donors Choose project from Christmas of 2005, and I'm here today to spread the word about our new effort. We funded the @#*! out of that @#&$ if you recall. We'd like to fund the #$!* out of this one too:

A New Reason to Love Valentine's Day
As a child Valentine's Day was my favorite holiday. Yes, I liked it more than Christmas. I loved getting valentines in my specially decorated bag from everyone in class, and the class parties always seemed to have the best food on V-day. It was just all around good vibes, everyone got tiny themed cards, and we had a great time figuring out whether our crush intentionally gave us the best Transformers valentine. As adults, though, this spirit is lost in our singleton status, our worry about the perfect gift, or our dinner reservations at THE most romantic restaurant in town or nothing else.

This year, in my quest to recapture primary school good vibes, I'm bringing back 2005's Christmas good cheer to help fund projects at DonorsChoose. I've teamed up with fellow bloggers, Andi, Ashley, Jeff, and Megan to challenge our readers to fund 4 worthy proposals that we carefully selected. Let me explain a little more:

The Who: Kids under 11 years old, most of them coming from families that live below the poverty line

The What: 4 proposals submitted by teachers from schools around the country, all from low-income areas. Two teachers want to help their kids create books. One teacher wants to show her kids the fun of using props to act out plays in the classroom. Another teacher wants to give kids the gift of knowledge by subscribing them to Time Magazine for Kids. Read more by following the links.

The When: By February 14, 2007 - A Valentine's Day gift to warm everyone's heart!

The Where:

The Why: Because Valentine's Day is about showing people the love, not buying expensive gifts or gorging on chocolate. Also, because I'll totally heart you forever!

The How: Go here, donate as much or as little as you can.

Our goal is to completely fund all these projects, which total $1,381. If everyone who reads our blogs donates, we know we can do it. Go on, you know you want to.

Why are you still reading this and not donating?

PS - There's a great goal-o-meter at Niki's post that I couldn't figure out how to reproduce, which is a shame because everyone loves those things. Check in there to monitor our progress. Make a donation and watch it rise. That's right, you're a wizard - show me what ya workin' with.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

The Day in Consumption: A Review

7:30 AM - 1 glass water
7:45 AM - 1 glass orange juice, half pot coffee, scrambled egg sandwich on buttered wheat toast
8:15 AM - 1 bowl kashi heart to heart cereal
10:15 AM - 1 "grande" coffee
12:45 PM - 1 glass water, peanut butter sandwich, banana, assorted nuts, yogurt smoothie, reese's peanut butter cup
4:00 PM - 1 slice reheated pineapple and green pepper pizza
6:00 PM - 6" veggie and cheese Blimpie sub on wheat with ground peppercorn sauce
6:45 PM - 1 medium size block cheddar cheese
7:00 PM - chips and salsa, unruly amount of
8:25 PM - 1 candy cane

anticipated intake for reminder of night:

10:15 PM - 1 16oz can PBR
10:40 PM - 1 gin & tonic
11:20 PM - 1 gin & tonic
12:00 AM - 1 shot, exact substance unknown...possibly something with an x-rated name
12:15 AM - water, water, water
2:42 AM - water, 1 small bag cheetos, 1 8oz glass chocolate milk

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