Here are my nominations, excluding the obvious jokers like William Shatner and Hassel the Hoff:Honorable Mention: Bob Dylan, The Boxer
- Regular Bob plays the Simon to Nashville Skyline
Bob’s Garfunkel on this ill-conceived project. Sample here
. Must be heard to be understood, and even then it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.5. The Who, Baby Don’t You Do It
- I never even knew that The Who covered this song, but then it made Jeff -- whose taste in music is generally faultless -- hate
one of the best songs ever. Well done.4. Jessica Simpson, These Boots Are Made for Walkin’
- This song always conjured that great scene in Full Metal Jacket
when the story shifts to Viet Nam. It still does, but now it also makes me think of the Dukes of Hazzard
, and that’s just fucking tragic.3. Uncle Kracker, Drift Away
- First of all, the only thing less clever than calling yourself “Uncle Cracker” is spelling it wrong. Second of all, I don’t even know who originally performed this song but Ray Charles sang it on Ain’t It So
and that should have been the end of it. How bad does Uncle Kracker suck? So bad that Michael Bolton’s is not the worst cover of this song. Seriously.2. Duran Duran, 911 Is a Joke
- It’s hell trying to get an ambulance to come to the ghetto when you need one, and nobody knows that better than Simon LeBon.1. ABBA, Pick a Bale of Cotton
- This one took balls. Lead Belly popularized this field song in which a slave brags about how he can pick a bale of cotton in one day (apparently a physical impossibility) and made it into a children’s song. It’s pretty silly until you stop and think about why it exists. Then you realize that it’s not just a song; it’s enduring American history, capturing one of our darkest chapters and celebrating the fact that somehow, in spite of being enslaved, African Americans created an unparalleled musical culture that reverberates in popular music around the world to this day. Now, think ABBA. Swedish disco band. Need I say more?
And, lest I be labeled a hater, here are the best cover songs ever:Honorable Mention: CCR, The Midnight Special5. Pixies, Head On4. M. Ward, Let’s Dance
& To Go Home
(tie)3. The Band, Baby, Don’t You Do It2. Van Halen, You Really Got Me
(There will never be another front man like David Lee Roth
in his prime. Sexiest Jew ever, and that’s counting Scarlett and Natalie. Of course, the original
kicks ass, too. Look for the dancing chef.)1. Nirvana, Where Did You Sleep Last Night? (In the Pines)
- Listening to the end of this vocal performance
, we all should have know that Kurt wasn't long for this world.
What have I missed?
Labels: cover songs, sexy jews