Lately I've felt Death riding on horseback to my front door. Physically, I'm plum beat, and actually think I have an energy deficit that leads to my organs and muscles cannibalizing one another. Initially, I blamed the long hours. Then I blamed the long hours and hot Georgia sun. Then I blamed the long hours, hot Georgia sun, and sleep deprivation. Then I blamed the long hours, hot Georgia sun, sleep deprivation, and gross intake of addictive substances.
And then I blamed meat. Or rather, the lack thereof.
It was over two years ago that I gave up meat after an outing to the BW3, or whatever that place is called, with Matt and Ben to watch a sporting event and eat massive amounts of chicken wings. And goddamn, it was delicious. Then I saw the amount of waste produced and made a decision to give up on carcasses for awhile.
I went two weeks before wolfing down some chicken at Guadalajara. I had been feeling fatigued and decided to get some protein as quickly as I could. Also, I really like chicken.
Then I gave it another go. This time it stuck, with a handful of caveats. I allowed myself to cheat whenever I felt truly compelled to, which happened less and less often as time went on (until I started hanging out with intoxicated Athenians desperate for a Krystal burger at 4:00 in the morning...and at that point you sort of have to take whatever' s shoved into your mouth). Also, I eat fish and shrimp and crab and all that good sea stuff. Lastly, I promised myself I'd never be that serious about being a vegetarian. Let's face it, the in your face vegan punks I've known deserve to be barbecued and fed to the frat houses.
The point of the back story is that I now find myself at a crossroad where my habits for the past couple of years simply cannot carry on. Truthfully, I'm probably not getting the calories, protein, or iron that I need. The way I've been feeling lately I wouldn't be too shocked if a Doctor just gave me a prescription for a McRib. On the other hand, she might just tell me to stop drinking so much and get some sleep.
I've been thinking lately about giving up, about digging into a slice of pepperoni pizza or stopping by Chick-fil-A on the way to work. I came very close, and I even tasted a piece of pepperoni the other day.
Today, however, I've decided to go the other direction. Instead of making sweet love to some chicken salad, I'm filing for divorce and getting a restraining order to boot. No more seafood, which is going to be difficult, and a more dedicated attitude about it all. I'm doing this for my health, because I really don't want to go back to meat, but I need to respect my body and the importance of good nutrition a whole lot more than I'm doing currently. There are plenty of ways to get what I need...I've just been lazy. I'm also halfway considering going vegan, since I'll be living on my own soon again and will be doing my own shopping and all of that. But we'll see. I'm still terrified of withering away to nothing. And I love cheese even more than I loved chicken.